Congratulations! You’ve recently taken a major step forward and gotten married! When you’re just beginning your journey as newlyweds, you feel as if you can do anything. But as you’ll soon learn more during your first year of marriage, maintaining a happy and loving relationship isn’t easy. In fact, it takes a lot of hard work and patience to keep things going.
The good news is, divorce rates have actually been on a decline for thirty years. And because we want to make sure divorces to decline, we’ve decided to put together a list of the most meaningful marriage advice for newlyweds.
It’s Not The Fighting That Matters, It’s How You Respond
It goes without saying that every couple ‘“fights’. Whether they are married or just starting out in a relationship, getting into an argument might make both partners feel emotionally drained. The good news is, arguing can actually be a positive thing.
Instead of blowing up, use this opportunity to practice listening. Your spouse is telling you that something is upsetting them, so instead of getting defensive, use this time to grow as a person. That includes focusing solely on the current issue and refraining from bringing up the past. In case you haven’t heard, rehashing old problems won’t do either of you any favors.
It doesn’t matter who’s ‘Right’ or ‘Wrong’
“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” -Proverbs 16:18
Being married does not give you the right to dictate how someone else (ahem, your partner) feels. If you do something that upsets your significant other and that action results in an argument, make it a point to talk to them, offer a reasonable solution, and then follow through with your end of the deal.
If you react to a fight by holding a grudge or not learning from it, then you’ve just wasted a wonderful opportunity to enhance your relationship. And the last thing you should ever prioritize before your marriage and your partner is your pride.
Don’t Keep Score
So you’ve washed the dishes, done the laundry, taken out the trash, and worked a 40-hour work week. At the end of the week, you might view your contributions as being more than your partners, and, well– as downright unfair. The problem with that is your partner will probably see the share of responsibilities in a completely different light.
It’s true that we as humans tend to view the things that we do as being more meaningful than that of others, oftentimes leading to resentment. So, instead of looking at your contributions from a selfish perspective, look at it as something you’ve done to make the life of the person you love easier. After all, isn’t that what really matters?
More importantly, learn to celebrate your differences and what each of you bring to the table, and always remember to celebrate what brought you together.
Learn Where To Point Your Finger
A large portion of the problems people have could have been solved if they would have learned to love their mirror. Meaning, instead of blaming others for your problems and pointing the finger at them, look in the mirror and point. You see that person staring back at you? That might be who’s to blame.
All too often, newlywed couples fight over things that could easily be solved with both parties taking responsibility for their own actions. Remember: A lasting marriage begins with personal accountability.
At the end of the day, all marriage advice for newlyweds boils down to one simple, yet effective piece of advice: Communicate honestly.
If you are feeling down, lonely, or ignored, tell your partner. You have to trust that they will be able to receive your message and act on it. When doing this, make sure you explain that it’s how you feel and that you aren’t blaming or attacking them. Mind you, this goes both ways. So if your spouse comes to you with their feelings, make sure you’re also willing to listen and understand that it’s not an indictment against you. It just means that they trust you enough to be honest.
If a marriage is going to last for the long haul, the space to vulnerable and honest is important.